Terry Paul Choyce
February 18, 2007 Brunswick Street United Church
I belong to a writing group called "Learning to Befriend Yourself." Most of us in the group believe we are parts of God, and therefore, we are inherently good and loving people. We have pretty high self-esteem and confidence. A few of the older woman, however, have great difficulty loving themselves. They were raised in fundamental Christian homes, where they were told they were born sinners, and destined to Hell if they did not exactly follow the teachings of the Bible. They were raised to fear God. Yes, they were told to "Love your neighbour as yourself," but that didn't mean much if you didn't love yourself.
I think not loving yourself is one of the main problems with North American society, and has lead to many of the problems confronting our planet today. If we think poorly of ourselves, we treat everyone poorly. If we live in fear of retribution by God, we emanate fear to others. If we believe we are sinners, we have little hope for everlasting love and peace with God. We do not live to our full potentials because we do not think we are ever good enough. What a pity.
I don't know why much of humanity choses to worship a God who is punishing, demanding, and vindictive. Was this God the product of religious structures which were designed to control people through fear? Perhaps. But those repressive religions are a detriment to soul growth, personal evolution, and to the loving care of the Earth. The emphasis of today's Christian Church, and the United Church in particular, is on the unconditional love of God for all of us.
In Arabic, Jesus called God "Abba," which is actually the word for "Daddy." The early translators said it meant "Father" which is close - but not the same. We think of a daddy being a gentle, playful, and wise parent. A daddy loves his children regardless if they misbehave. A daddy has rules, but he uses them to guide, not to overly control. If God is our "daddy," then he will love us no matter what, and will only want the best for us. And he would want us to love ourselves.
Our reading of 1 Corinthians, verses 7 to 11 says " The Spirit's presence is shown in some way in each person for the good of all. The Spirit gives one person a message full of wisdom, while to another person the same Spirit gives the message full of knowledge. Spirit gives faith to one person, and the power to heal to another....It is one and the same Spirit who does all this, as he wishes, he gives a different gift to each person." This is the Holy Spirit, which is part of God. God has given each of us a precious gift, often many gifts. It is our responsibility to nurture and use these gifts. But we cannot effectively use them if we are always demeaning and belittling ourselves. God wants us to shine, just like the choir inspired us to do today. "This little light of mine, I'm GONNA let it shine, every where I go."
Some people have problems differentiating self - love from selfish behaviour. They are not the same. When you love yourself you have self-confidence - you want to do the best you can with the talents you've been given. This does not mean you will be arrogant and boastful. It just means you will not belittle yourself into failure and despair. When you love yourself you want to make sure your basic needs are met - you are healthy, and happy, and your have enough money to be comfortable. You don't need a fancy sports car, a 10 carat diamond ring or a 50 room mansion to love yourself. You just need to be able to look in the mirror and smile. You need to go to bed each night counting your blessings.
Sam Keen wrote a great book called To Love and Be Loved. On page 165 he writes:
"Self-love depends on mastering the same elements that are necessary to love others. As nearly as I can tell, all the emotions, commitments, modes of care-giving, and skills that are involved in a loving relationship with my child, my wife, my friend, my neighbour, apply equally to my relationship with myself. Additionally, loving the self requires the same kind of commitment and vows as a marriage. Promise to love and cherish all parts of your self. Have compassion for your suffering, grieve your losses, judge yourself fairly according to your best standards, repent your failures and hardness of heart, rejoice in your good fortune, forgive your betrayals, remain faithful to your self, and nurture your potentialities now in the bud."
How many of us here can honestly say that we love ourselves? How many of us were raised to believe we were special, unique, lovable - and yet equal to everyone else? When I raised my daughters I told them they could do anything they put their hearts and minds into doing. And I told them there is not one person in the world who doesn't want to be their friend. I told them they were unconditionally loved by their father and I, and by God. This is the message every person needs to hear, and to know deep inside of them. We are worthy of love, and we have no reason not to love ourselves. And if we know how to love and care for ourselves, we will know how to love and care for other people , and everything on this planet.
I'd like to end with part of a poem by Danna Faulds called "Who you Are."
"...You are Divinity; the vast and open sky of Spirit.
It's the light of God, the ember at your core, the passion and the presence, the timeless - deathless essence of you
that reaches out and touches me.
Who you are transcends fear and turn suffering into liberation.
Who you are is love."
Praise be the Lord.
