Terry Paul Choyce
March 18, 2007 Brunswick Street United Church
Today's New Testament lesson was the story of the Prodical Son. There are three main characters in this parable, the father and his two sons. The older son was very dependable and practical. The younger son was frivolous and irresponsible. After squandering his inheritance, the youngest son did see the errors of his ways, and he decided to humble himself and to beg for his father's forgiveness, and to perhaps work for his father. As we know, his father immediately welcomed him home, forgave him, and threw a party in his honour. The older brother did not react well to this. He was very angry at his father for being so forgiving and so generous with his wayward brother. The father answered that everything he had also belonged to the older son, so he should never have felt that he was his father's slave. And the father had thought that his youngest son was dead, but now he was alive and was willing to work like a servant. His son had confessed his wrong-doings, and had the courage to return to the family he had deserted. This was cause for celebration.
I read a lot of spiritual books, and they are say that forgiveness is our most difficult spiritual lesson. When someone does something to hurt us, or intentionally make us upset or angry, we have a very difficult time forgiving them. We carry negative thoughts and feelings around with us, which make us depressed, stressed, and often ill. Sometimes we lash out and do harmful things back to the person. Usually this creates even more negativity. This is how families and friendships are destroyed. This is how wars are started.
In her excellent book Guilt is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson, Joan Borysenko delineates the six steps to forgiving ourselves. They are (p.177):
- Take responsibility for what you did.
- Confess the nature of your wrongs to God, yourself, and another human being.
- Look for your good points.
- Be willing to make amends where possible, as long as you can do this without harm to yourself or other people.
- Look to God for help.
- Inquire about what you have learned.
The prodical son did most of these steps. He acknowledged that he had wasted his money and that he did not live the values he had been taught. He confessed, saying "I have sinned against God and against you." He offered to become one of his father's servants. I think he looked to God for help. But I don't know if he did the other two steps, and I think these steps are essential for spiritual and personal growth.
When you have done something wrong, or when someone has wronged you, it is essential to take the time to think about something good you have done, or the other person has done in the past. If we focus purely on the negative, we will get stuck in our anger, resentment, and pain. If we acknowledge that something negative has been done, but we also balance that with something positive, the depth of the anger is lightened. I will give an example of this from my life.
Back in the early eighties I ran a pre-school at Lawrencetown Beach, called Open View Pre-school. It was in the big house on the hill out there, between the two beaches. It was a wonderful school, in a beautiful setting, in a house that was a nightmare. Everything that could go wrong with the place ,did, at least twice. I was the chairperson of the board that ran the house as a community resource centre. We worked hard to keep the place functioning, but we were always low on money and volunteer labour.
One of our board members, who had done much work on getting the place operational, got upset over a board decision. He caused us much grief, and finally, after several months of conflict, we asked him to please step down from the board. In retaliation, he called the fire marshal and the department of health, to have them close down the pre-school. It is true that we were not up to code, but the children were never in danger, and we did not have enough money to make the necessary improvements. I was beyond angry at this man, and I was upset with him for many years. Fortunately, the government came through with grant money and we were able to make the required changes. The pre-school, and everything else that was happening in the building, carried on, and flourished.
In hindsight, I should have taken the time to think about all of the good things this man had done previously, and perhaps written him a nice letter acknowledging his contributions, and wishing him well in the future. Perhaps that would have saved me many sleepless nights, where I fumed in indignation. And perhaps it would have softened his heart and changed him, because I know he's done similar things to this to other groups since then. If I had looked for the positive points in this man, and in this situation, the intensity and the duration of this conflict would have been much less.
The last point, "Inquire about what you have learned," is an essential step in full forgiveness, and in personal growth. Through writing, talking, or prayer it is important to reflect on the lessons learned from our painful experiences so we don't repeat them again. Many of us make the same plunders over and over in our lives. We are blind to our major faults because we do not want to see them. When we acknowledge our problem areas and truly try to change how we behave in certain situations, we will radically improve our lives. History does not have to repeat itself if we make the changes necessary to make our lives more harmonious, compassionate, and joyous. With God's help, we can be better, more responsible and loving people.
Jesus talked about forgiveness often. And he displayed it openly. When he was given flack because of Mary Magdalene's past, he defended her. He ate with those who were considered sinners. And, according to Matthew 26:49 to 50, when Judas brought the soldiers to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, he said "Peace be with you teacher" when he kissed him. Jesus replied "Be quick about it, friend." He called his betrayer, "friend." I see this as a sign of forgiveness.
How has your inability to forgive someone affected your life? Do you carry the pain of betrayal around with you every day? Do you feel angry at someone who hurt you physically or emotionally in the past? Do you feel angry at yourself for something you did, which you have not forgiven yourself for? It is time to stop this senseless pain, and to forgive. I know this is not easy. But for your happiness and for your spiritual bond with God, it is essential. Be like the father of the prodical son. Open your heart, be generous, and thank the Lord that what was lost is now found. Find your inner peace and your deep love.
Praise be the Lord
Guided Meditation adapted from Forgiveness by Robin Casarjian
Close your eyes and take a deep breath, filling yourself with air from your stomach to your throat. Hold your breathe...Release. Fill yourself with air..Hold.. Release. Now while you continue to do this, visualise yourself in a beautiful warm, safe place...You are feeling very peaceful and very loved...Continue breathing and being in this wonderful place.
Now invite someone who you have not forgiven into this place with you...
Have them sit down and be comfortable. Look at them as if they were a long-lost friend...Smile at them...Tell them that you are sorry there has been so much tension between you....Tell them you are sorry for the rift between you and you forgive them... Now forgive yourself for your part in this dispute...Feel the relieve that comes into your heart...Feel the peace that comes with the release of the anger...Feel the healing that comes from reaching out to them with love....
Play "Healing" by Carolyn McDade
Take a deep breath. Feel the healing. Feel the peace. Feel the presence of God.....Open your eyes.
