Terry Paul Choyce
December 31, 2006 Brunswick Street United Church
Today I am going to tackle the most difficult topic in human nature, which is forgiveness. Last week in his sermon Paul started us on this process, by asking us to "love and forgive" each other. But what is forgiveness?
Paul and I go to a spiritual discussion group, and a few weeks ago a teenage man who comes regularly said he did not like the word "forgiveness" because it implies that someone has purposefully done something wrong to you, and you have to decide not to let that person hurt you emotionally. This puts you in the position of the person who is "right" and the other person is the villain. This is not always the case. In fact, most of the time this is not true. The large majority of the times when we are angry or hurt by someone, it is not because they have intentionally hurt us, but because we each have a different way of doing things, or we perceive things differently.
All relationships are fraught with small conflicts and misunderstandings. Paul and I are plagued by these. But I do not feel that I need to forgive Paul when he makes me mad, because 99.9% of the time he is just doing something differently than I would do it. He is not intentionally trying to hurt me. He is just operating at his own unique pace and with his own unique priorities. I don't have to forgive him for that. I do have to accept the fact that he does not think or act the same way as I do. So I do not have to forgive Paul when I think he drives too fast or if he chooses the most indirect way to get from A to B. I just have to accept that he does things differently than I do. I can try to convince him to do things my way, or I can let go of my anger and enjoy the ride. How I react to his behaviour is up to me.
I recently read a quote which said that it is not the snake bite that kills a person, it is the venom that travels through your veins. This is so true for so much of life. It is not the negative act which causes most of the emotional hurt, it is the poisonous anger and resentment that boils through your mind that is the real problem. This is where the benefits of forgiveness and acceptance and letting go come in. When someone does something that you do not like, you can decide to ignore it, to address the person politely, to react in anger, and/ or, to get back at them for what they have done.
So many of the world's problems are caused by revenge. This comes from the inability to forgive or accept, and the damaging venom surging out of control through a person, or a community, or a country. I believe that Jesus came to us to save us from this hatred, and from hurting each other over and over again. He was tortured and killed, and while dying he said "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." Jesus's final words were about forgiveness. This is how we can end the vicious cycle of retaliation and cruelty.
I will admit there are times when I would find it next to impossible to forgive. In our reading from Matthew (2:15-17) Herod orders his soldiers to slaughter every male baby under the age of 2 in Bethlehem. In Haiti today there is a prison where they have 24 girls between the ages of 12 and 17 who are kept in one filthy, bare room, and these girls are raped every night by the guards. There are atrocities happening everywhere that I cannot forgive, and I cannot change. I am not as enlightened as Jesus. But in my own personal life, I do not have atrocities perpetrated on me. Most of us don't. We have many annoyances and inconsiderate nesses happening all the time, and these we have to deal with in ways that are helpful and healing and positive.
Mother Theresa saw first hand the affects of poverty, abuse, and sickness on people. She spent most of her life in the slums of Calcutta, with the lepers, orphans, and people who were starving and hurt. She wrote "We know that if we really want to love, we must learn to forgive. Forgive and ask to be forgiven; excuse rather than accuse. Reconciliation begins first, not with others but with ourselves. It starts with having a clean heart within. A clean heart is able to see God in others. We must radiate God's love."
So how do we radiate God's love? Each of us can do it in our own small ways. We can control our anger and use positive resolution skills to solve our disputes. We can learn to ignore trivial annoyances, realising that they are just another way someone does something, and not an intentional wrong to us. We can be advocates for those who are being treated unjustly or cruelly, but not let ourselves get emotionally trapped in their situations. As people of God we need to help those in need. But above all, we need to truly believe that all people are basically good, that everyone was created by God, and that, no matter what horrible things they do, they are children of God. Jesus would forgive them.
Tonight is New Year's Eve, and many of you will be making a resolution about how you will change at least one of your actions or ways of thinking in 2007. Please consider how you can remove the snake venom of anger from your system, through acceptance and forgiveness. Try to let go of the negative thoughts that keep you trapped in anger and fear and hopelessness. Try to change the way you react to people who irritate you or hurt you. Try to be more like Christ. Jesus was born in poverty and died in agony, to show us that no matter what the circumstances, love can prevail. And each of us can radiate that love.
Praise be the Lord.
