Terry Paul Choyce
Aug. 26, 2007, Brunswick Street United Church
I have a very good and wise friend, Lesley Rowntree. Last week she and I spent an afternoon doing some intensive self-exploration. Because we have been close friends for many years, we were perfect for doing this type of personal work together. She knows my strengths and passions as well as my issues and complications. And I know hers. We are very blessed to be able to be totally honest and open with all aspects of our lives.
When ever Lesley has a problem, she asks herself "What would love do now?" This is a wonderful, spiritual approach to dealing with life's challenges. That is, until I insisted that she define "love." Is love about compassion and self-sacrifice and forgiveness? Most of us would say yes. But many of the wisest people and the most holy people of today, say that love is about joy, peace, and happiness.
Mother Theresa said "Joy is prayer, joy is strength, joy is love." Wayne Dyer wrote "Joy, freedom and unconditional love are inseparable." The book Wings of Joy says "true inner joy is self-created...This divine joy is the sole purpose of life."
Mother Theresa found deep satisfaction in living with precious few comforts and giving all she had materially, emotionally and physically to the poor and the sick. This selfless giving gave her a form of joy. Every mother I know has spent many sleepless nights with sick kids, changed thousands of poopy diapers, and gave up what she wanted to do or have so that her children could be happy. Most mothers do all this because having happy, healthy children makes them feel fulfilled and loving. When you love your child, their welfare is more important than your own, especially in the early years. So you can be compassionate and self-sacrificing and still feel happy doing so.
But what about all those things we all do which bring us no joy. All the things we do out of obligation, or habit, or economic necessity? This is where the tough decisions need to be made. If something gives you no pleasure or satisfaction, and is simply a drain on your emotions, time, and/or finances, then why do you keep doing it? Is there a way to drop it, or change it, or pass it on to someone who is not burned out by the task or the person? Most of us do not know when to say "enough is enough." And so we feel depressed, stressed, or perpetually angry. Our lack of joy, and lack of love for what we are doing, will make us miserable, and will probably make us ill.
So how would my friend Lesley answer the question "What would love do now?" when she feels obligated to go to another meeting about the school, even though she has no children at the school anymore and she really dislikes the meetings? Does she keep going because she feels a moral or social obligation to go? In my opinion, she finds someone else to take her place, or she just graciously excuses herself from any more school commitments. She then takes that extra time and energy and puts them into an organization or a project she is excited about. Endings are a part of life. Knowing when and how to happily and responsibly end something is one of our hardest life lessons.
Jesus knew that he would have a very short ministry. He knew that he would be killed. I suppose he knew that his self-sacrifice would result in a spiritual transformation in millions of people for thousands of years to come. And I am sure this knowledge gave him some joy and peace. Jesus loved us so much that he was willing to die so that you and I would come to know that we are to love God with all our hearts and minds, and to love our neighbour as much as we love ourselves.
This last part is the tricky part. I want what is best for my "neighbour," therefore I should also want what is best for me. And sometimes those two wants are not in sync. So ask yourself the question "What would love do now?" Is there any way you can find some peace or satisfaction or happiness with your neighbour? Because if you are not feeling positive, you know the vibes you are sending out are not good ones. So either find a way to change the situation, change your attitude, or kindly and respectfully back out of the relationship. Your negativity will not help your neighbour, or create a feeling of closeness to God.
In his book Super Joy Dr. Paul Pearsall writes "Joyful love depends on our ability to be sensible about our loving, our ability to realise that love is as much (or perhaps more) a way of thinking as it is a way of feeling." (P. 176) He says feelings of love are not a constant in any relationship, that love needs to be consciously nurtured. He writes that the "four key components of joyful love are sensitivity, sensibility, sensuality, and spirituality...The related loving behaviours are effective talking, taking time, trusting, and tolerance....The key personal characteristics of a joyful lover are being rational, responsible, and respectful." (P. 191) This is how we are to relate to others to have positive relationships. This is how we are to treat ourselves.
Do you think love is joy? Are you willing to make your relationships more loving, and thus more joyful? And are you prepared to take a hard, deep look at relationships that drain you of joy, and figure out how to change them or end them? God wants us to be happy. It is our responsibility as children of God to show our gratitude for our lives by making them as loving and joyful as we can.
©Terry Paul Choyce. Used with permission from the author.
