Terry Paul Choyce
Feb. 12, 2006, Brunswick Street United Church
For almost six years now I have had the privilege of conducting marriages. I have gotten enormous joy and satisfaction from meeting with couples who love each other so much they want to make a public declaration of their love and their dedication to each other. One couple who were in their 50s, and who had been living together for 8 years, came to me to be married. I asked them why they just didn't want to keep their relationship as it has been. They said that they had reached a point where saying "I love you" did not adequately express how they felt about each other. They wanted everyone to share in their deep love and commitment to each other. I thought that was so beautiful.
The United Church terms marriage as a "gift from God." I think all relationships where there is caring and connection are gifts from God. Humans are social beings. We need to have physical contact that is meaningful and kind. And when we are loved, an emptiness that is inside fills with the knowing that we are not alone on our life's journey. There are one or more people who want to share our joys and our sorrows. Of course, as a Christian we know we are never really alone, since God is with us always. But it is nice to have love from someone you can touch, and be touched by. So we bond in relationships, and sometimes we bind ourselves together in marriage.
Today I thought I would read to you the wedding ceremony that I usually use. When I meet with a couple I give them this, then let them change it in a way that reflects their own spirituality and their own values. I also work with them in creating a ritual or two which will add meaning to the ceremony. We also choose readings and music which they like. I have lead about 50 weddings, and no two have been the same. But they all go something like this. To personalise it, I have put in the names of Bev and Lindley, since they have such a beautiful love for each other, and they are already married.
Bev and Lindley have invited us to share in this celebration of marriage as they affirm their love before us, pledge their faith to one another, and enter into the joys and privilege of marriage. This is a serious commitment that has not been enter into lightly, but with open communication and understanding and deep love for one another. It is a decision that was made with great consideration and respect for both the other person and for oneself. As it says in Ephesians 5:28-33: In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.. . "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Marriage symbolizes the intimate sharing of two lives, yet this sharing must not diminish, but enhance the individuality of each partner. A marriage that is filled with trust, caring, generosity, honesty, and a sense of humour, will continue to develop, while growing in a greater understanding of the other person. By growing together in love and marriage, it is possible to share not only the joys of life but to bear the burden of sorrows as well. Marriage is ritual which honours your love and your connection to God.
I would like to read a poem to you by the prolific writer Anonymous.
Each Morning--
Greet the dawn with joy. Look into each other''s eyes with the bright possibility that shines with every rising sun. Offer one another encouragement in your endeavors and support for all you''ll encounter throughout your day. Send each other out into the world with a kiss and a smile.
Each Day--
Nurture one another''s talents and individuality. Respect each other''s work, applaud each other's efforts. Holds sacred your time together, as well as your solitude. Share the chores and the challenges, the serious and the silly. And watch for the magic of unexpected pleasures, the comfort of easy laughter.
Each Night--
Talk of the big and little things that made up your day. Put any differences to sleep before you turn out the lights. Relish the quiet-
be tender, be playful, be passionate. Savour the sweetness of each kiss, the softness of each touch. Fall asleep in the shelter of one another's arms.
Each Year--
Be one another''s truest friend so that your joys may be doubled and your sorrows halved. Be flexible with what life brings you - never be afraid to reassess your dreams. Celebrate your special days and achievements, for they are mileposts on your journey together.
Above All-
Remember to honour and nourish the beautiful love that first connected you, one to the other.
The next part of the ceremony involves music, a reading, usually a ritual such as the lighting of a unity candle, the exchange of rings, and the signing of the license. Most of the couples also write vows which they read to each other. This is one of the most moving parts of the wedding. I begin it like this:
I will now ask you to exchange vows of marriage. These vows are a pledge, but it is tomorrow that gives the pledge meaning. A promise is but a seed which can grow only through love and nurture. Give of yourselves until you feel this pledge lives as truly as you live.
Bev and Lindley, your marriage is intended to join you in a relationship that is intimate and personal. In the tomorrows that you have together, may you find far more in life than either of you would have found alone. May you more fully come to know that caring is sharing, that living is giving, and that love is our most precious treasure. May you enjoy length of days, fulfillment of hopes, and peace and contentment as you live day to day in the fulfillment of this commitment to each other.
I now join you in the name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit. Go now into the world and fulfill your lives. Love what you know of each other, and trust what you do not yet know. Let communication come before each action. Share with one another new experiences, and challenge and support one another so you may continue to grow.
Next comes the kissing, music, and cheering. The ceremony is over, but the new life as a married couple is just beginning.
This week we celebrate Valentine's Day. I don't think this is just a holiday for lovers. I think this is a day when we take the time to appreciate all those in our lives who we love. It is a time to do a little special something for people who you feel close to, who you care about. It can be a card, a phone call, a home cooked meal, a warm hug, or any special expression of affection. Because it is love which gives meaning to our lives. Love of self, love of others, love of your pets, love of nature, and love of God.
