Terry Paul Choyce
September 10, 2006, Brunswick Street United Church
My sermon today is based on our reading from James 1, verses 17 to 27. This I think is one of the most important and profound scriptures in the Bible. It tells us how to live day-to-day. It is a life guide.
In verse 19 James said "You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger." Every course I have ever taken on pastoral care or communication skills, has emphasised the need to be an active listener. The art of listening entails focussing your mind on what the other person is saying, more than trying to formulate what you say next. Often, when you do talk, it is best to just restate what you heard in your own way, and then build on that. When a person, especially a person with a problem, feels that they have been heard and understood, they feel like a weight has been lifted off of them. Communication goes so much more smoothly when there is true listening and an empathetic response. If you take even a few seconds to think before you do speak, what comes out of your mouth will probably be what you really mean to say, not just a knee-jerk reaction to what you heard or saw or felt. We have all been told to count to 10 before you react in anger. This is like what James advises when he says to be slow to speak, slow to anger.
I have been wrestling with the powerful emotion anger for most of my life. I try to make people happy, so generally I bury my anger so that there is less conflict in my relationships. This was especially true in my marriage, where I often felt like a walking volcano. This pent -up anger resulted in various health problems, and emotional scarring. When I left Lesley I vowed to never hide my anger again. The result is that now I am too volatile at times, as poor Paul can testify too. Knowing when it is appropriate to express anger, and how to safely express it, is one of the most necessary life skills any of us will ever learn. James says to be slow to anger, but he does not say to never be angry.
Harriet Lerner, in her book The Dance of Anger says (P.1): Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to. Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right. Our anger may tell us that we are not addressing an important emotional issue in our lives, or that too much of our self - our beliefs, values, desires, or ambitions - is being compromised in a relationship... Just as physical pain tells us to take our hand off the hot stove, the pain of our anger preserves the very integrity of our self. Our anger can motivate us to say "no" to the ways in which we are defined by others and "yes" to the dictates of our inner self.
I do think that anger is a necessary human emotion. If we do not get angry when we are treated badly, we will be hurt over and over our whole lives. If we do not get angry when we see an injustice being done to another person, or to an animal, we will not try to stop and prevent the abuse. If we do not get angry when we see this planet being polluted and destroyed, we will not have a safe, healthy place for our children to live in. Anger is a vital emotion for the preservation, and the creation, of good and of love. Jesus got angry. Usually he expressed it gently, like when the three disciples fell asleep in the Garden of Gethsemane. He expressed it violently when he overturned the tables in the temple. Without anger we are not human.
Harriet Lerner advises us to ask questions about our anger to help us understand it and use it effectively. On page 4 she asks "What am I really angry about? What is the problem, and whose problem is it? How can I sort out who is responsible for what? How can I learn to express my anger in a way that will not leave me feeling helpless and powerless? When I am angry, how can I clearly communicate my position without becoming defensive or attacking? What risks and losses might I face if I become clearer and more assertive? If getting angry is not working for me, what can I do differently?" These are the types of questions we need to ask ourselves as we are counting to 10. Maybe it would be wise to count to 100.
James 1 verse 25 says "But those who look into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and persevere, being not hearers who forget but doers who act - they will be blessed in their doing." This verse asks us not just to be good listeners, but to act on what we think needs to be done. And it says the perfect law is the law of liberty. I am surprised by this, quite frankly. My dictionary says that liberty is the "power of free choice." It is the "freedom of speech and actions." James is telling us to listen, to speak, to chose, and to act with freedom. I interpret this as saying we, as believers in God and Jesus, are to care for and protect each other and this planet. And we are to take care of ourselves as well. This includes physical needs and emotional and spiritual needs. This means to use our talents, our love, and, at times our anger, to insure liberty for all of us. As Christians we are not to stay in our churches and ignore the problems of the world. James says we have to be doers, and in verse 27 he particularly stresses the care for orphans and widows. To be a true Christian we are asked by God to help those in need, and to do it with our actions, by listening, by speaking, by insisting on liberty for all.
©Terry Paul Choyce. Used with permission from the author.
