Terry Paul Choyce
May 13, 2007, Brunswick Street United Church
On this Mother's Day I am focussing on women who have been mothering for a long time, grandmothers. They have raised their children and now they are active in the lives of their children's children. I am old enough to be a grandmother, but it hasn't happened yet. So I will speak about my grandmothers, and also what I have observed about what it means to be a grandmother.
My mother's mother, Emma, was a short, well-rounded woman who did not have an easy life. She'd had 5 children, and most of them were not the most adjusted people on the planet. It seemed that family had one crisis after another. My grandfather died when I was 5. Emma had to work cleaning houses and hotels to keep her home, and some of her grown kids, afloat. Her house was always overly full of stuff and old dogs and people. When I was little I did not like going there because it always seemed chaotic. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I came to truly appreciate and love my grandmother.
I don't remember my grandmother ever being angry or judgmental. She was able to enjoy her hectic, hard life. Her leaving words to us were always "have a jolly good time." She had 22 grandchildren, so we all did not get much individual attention, but I am sure we all felt loved. She died when she was about 70, while vacuuming at the hotel she worked at.
My father's mother was Elsie. Her life was completely different. She had a heart condition which she developed when she was 19. My grandfather was able to give her a nice home, with a weekly housekeeper. She just had two children, who were model children - most of the time. Her eldest daughter and her 4 kids lived in Oregon. Our family, with our 6 kids lived half an hour's drive away. So we saw our grandparents a lot. My grandmother was very vocal and active in raising us. I loved this when I was little. She lavished attention on me, and made me feel very special. But when I became a teenager she seemed very judgmental and domineering. She tried very hard to make all 6 of us kids good Christians. Unfortunately her definition of Christian clashed with mine.
She tried very hard to be a guide for all of us, right up to the end.
Her last years were spent with my parents. She lived to be 93.
Most people I talk to adore being grandparents. They usually do not have to deal with the day-to-day problems of parenthood. Generally they have fairly short visits with their grandkids, and they get to spoil them a bit. Most try very hard to make the time they are with their grandchildren quality, fun time. In a perfect world, being a grandparent is pure joy.
I'd like to read this poem written by a little girl about her Nana:
Nana you are special Your love knows no bounds A room takes special warmth whenever you're around You think I''m cute and talented and maybe even wise But I know that's why all grandparents see though loving eyes Every day with you is precious I''m so grateful for the time Of all the grandparents in the world I'm thankful that you're mine
As we all know, this is not a perfect world, and not every child can have a wonderful relationship with grandparents as this girl. For the rest of this talk I'm going to focus on the plight of millions of grandmothers in Africa, whose lives are very different.
I've had the great fortune of hearing Stephen Lewis speak twice last month. Mr. Lewis was Canada's embassador to the United Nations for several years. He became the UN Special Envoy for HIV/AIDA in Africa. In March 2006 his foundation started the Grandmothers to Grandmothers Campaign, to raise awareness of the plight of the women and children in the part of Africa which is most affected by the virus. They also wanted to raise money to help with the raising of the children and the life quality of the grandparents who are now caring for the children. In August of this year the foundation held a huge conference in Ontario, and brought over some of the African grandmothers, so the people of Canada could directly hear their message.
In sub-Saharan Africa there are now over 25 million people with HIV/AIDS. This disease has thrown that continent into chaos. Many of the young men and women are dead, or dying. Family units are shattered. There are 14 million orphans just in this part of Africa. And 40 to 60% of them are being taken care of by their grandmothers. Many of these women have little or no money. They have failing health themselves. Yet they have to care and provide for their dying children, and their grandchildren. This was written by a South African grandmother who is supporting 18 family members:
"I am struggling because I work a lot and I am not well....I am the guardian of my grandchildren and my sisters dying children and their children. I am the guardian of them all....My main worry is that I won't be able to work, and then what will happen?"
Researchers and advocates have made the following recommendations to help these women.
- Provide old age pensions to help affected families.
- Abolish school fees and the required school uniforms
- Provide health services and free anti-retroviral drugs to those with HIV, to keep them alive and working longer.
- Give everyone more information on how to prevent AIDS.
- Provide funding and support to support groups that are working to stop this plague, and to help those who are already affected.
The organisation Grandmothers to Grandmothers is helping with these solutions. Women all over the world are fund raising to help the older women of Africa cope with the enormous burdens they must bear. Right now in Canada there are 145 groups who so far have raised over $800,000. In NS we have groups in Halifax, Dartmouth, St. Margaret's Bay, and Lunenberg. Last week, when I was at St. James United, they said they have recently held a fund raiser and they made $1,400 for the Grandmothers. I would encourage all of the women here to get involved with the local Grandmother groups, and for all of the men to be very generous with their financial support of the groups. To find out more about Grandmothers to Grandmothers go to www.stephenlewisfoundation.org.
This was written by a grandmother in Uganda who cares for 28 orphans:
"My message to the whole world is that the world should get up to fight HIV/AIDS and to try to get medicine for the people who are infected so that the children they are trying to bring up, the children they are fighting for now, can have at least a hope in life...I want the whole world to see now that this epidemic is killing the young generation, leaving their children in the hands of grandparents, who are weak and helpless. So I am appealing to the world if they can also look into the problem of the grandparents."
Everyone, no matter where you live, has their challenges. My grandmothers had theirs. The grandmothers here and now have problems as well. But can you imagine the monumental emotional and physical drain it must be to have to watch your children die a horrible death, then have to take care of their children? Plus there is the constant worry that these children will get AIDS and die as well. This crisis must be addressed now. Please contact your federal representatives and let them know that you want legislation passed to get drugs and medical care and relief supplies to these people now. Please give generously to the different organisations who are helping out in Africa, and around the world, with the AIDS epidemic. 38.6 million people worldwide have this disease. This is the worst epidemic in history. As followers of Christ, we should help. He healed the sick. And he welcomed the little children to come to him. We all need to be more like Christ.
Praise be the Lord
