Terry Paul Choyce
March 9, 2008, Brunswick Street United Church
We are in the midst of Lent, which is the time when the Christian church remembers the events leading to the death, and resurrection of Jesus. It is a time of waiting and thinking. It is a time when all Christians are asked to reflect on their own lives, and to find ways to live more peacefully and lovingly. It is a time to forgive others, and ourselves. It is a time to correct some of our mistakes and to mend broken relationships. It is a time to live with hope, and to create new goals for our future. It is a time to put ourselves into the gentle flow of faith that will safely guide us through turbulent waters.
We had a water motif running through our Bible readings today. First was the story of Jonah (2:1-10) whose ship was caught in a horrible storm, resulting in him being thrown overboard, and being swallowed by a whale. Well, I don't think a real whale gobbled up Jonah, but this is a symbolic story of a man who was in a desperate situation who sacrificed himself for the good of others. Verses 1:12-17 say "Pick me up and throw me into the sea," Jonah replied, "and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you."
Instead, the men did their best to row back to land. But they could not, for the sea grew even wilder than before. Then they cried to the LORD, "O LORD, please do not let us die for taking this man's life. Do not hold us accountable for killing an innocent man, for you, O LORD, have done as you pleased." Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm. At this the men greatly feared the LORD, and they offered a sacrifice to the LORD and made vows to him. But the LORD provided a great fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was inside the fish three days and three nights.
Do you see the parallel between the crucifixion story and this one? Jonah asked to be sacrificed for the good of the crew. He lay in the dark belly of a huge fish for 3 days. (This sounds a bit like a smelly tomb to me.) And then he is set free. He is saved from death by the power and love of the Lord.
In the New Testament lesson (John 6:16-20) the disciples are out in a boat in the night. A storm began to rage. Then they look, and there is Jesus walking on the rough waters, towards them. They take Jesus on board, and instantly they landed where they were trying to go.
This story tells us that when we are having difficult times in our lives, things can change radically if we bring Jesus onboard. Miracles happen when Jesus is a part of our lives.
I have had a difficult situation in my life the last few weeks. I have experienced extreme anger, and I sure am not proud of some of my thoughts or my words. It is only a weird coincidence that during this time I spent 3 nights on a cruise ship, and one night there was a terrible storm. But I did not see Jesus walking on the water, and fortunately no one sacrificed me to a whale. But I did do some serious soul-searching, and like Jonah, I did think about all that I had done to contribute to this bad situation. And I did spend lots of time thinking about the positive things and people in my life. I thanked God for all of my many blessings. And it is perhaps this reflection and my attitude of gratitude that will help me recover from the emotional blow I have received. Hopefully my future thoughts will lovingly flow towards the person who has angered me, and our relationship will be healed.
Another coincidence is that for my wonderful course at AST with Rev. Jody Clarke, we have had to read an incredible book called Hostage at the Table by George Kohlrieser. This book is all about conflict resolution. It guides us to see our problems from a new perspective, and how to negotiate a settlement where everyone feels heard and respected - even if they don't get exactly what they want. This book has helped me a lot in the last weeks, and it will be a valuable resource in the future I'm sure.
All of us have times in our lives when the waters have been choppy and we have felt out of control. Feelings of anger, grief, frustration, fear, sadness, and hopeless happen to each of us on occasion. How we express these emotions, how we internalise them, and how long we let them stay are crucial questions to our over-all happiness. These difficult emotions temper our life-view and how we relate to people. Our coping skills are tested and developed during these times. Our empathy for other people with difficulties is increased. Living our values and our faith can be a challenge, and a life-saver.
The Hostage book says that in dealing with all of our problems that have emotional components, we need a balance of reason and emotion. When emotions overwhelm reason, we can create volitile reactions, and say and do things we might regret later, or that may harm someone - including ourselves. When we remain overly aloof and cerebral, we may not be a good judge of the full ramifications of what is happening. By our detachment we can make matters worse. The book says we need "reason informed by emotion and emotion guided and tempered by reason." (P.113) Sounds good, but this is often hard to achieve.
To solve personal conflicts we also need to have a true understanding of what the other person thinks and feels - and they need to know our position. This takes communication, patience, and often, emotional control. "The more effectively we communicate our differences and our areas of agreement, the better we will understand each other's concerns and the better our chances for reaching a mutually acceptable agreement." (P.113)
As in every aspect of our lives it is best to be honest and reliable - and that includes honesty with ourselves. Commitment to reaching a solution that is at least moderately agreeable to everyone is essential. A win-win solution is of course the best, but if that isn't possible, all parties should at least feel respected and heard. And no one should feel they were threatened or coerced into a resolution.
All conflict situations should end with everyone feeling mutual acceptance. Whether you got all that you wanted or not, you should leave feeling that you are respected as a person, regardless of your differences in opinion or position. It is important to maintain a bond between those in conflict, especially if they have to have dealings with each other in the future. We all know of feuds and wars that have gone on for decades to centuries because the parties never stopped to get to know each other and to develop bonds of understanding and respect - and even friendship. The world would be a far different place if people have always known how to lovingly and rationally deal with their problems.
Our spirituality should help us with this. We know that, as a man, Jesus had his times of temper, as he turned over tables and verbally reprimanded a few people. He had to control his negative emotions, just like we must. More than once this week I was personally glad that Jesus felt and expressed his rage, because I sure felt and expressed mine in a stormy way. But by Friday, I was calm enough to find a more gentle flow in my life. I feel like Jesus stepped on board my rocky boat, and I was delivered safely to the shore, just like the disciples, and symbolically like Jonah too.
Pat Watson sang "Amazing Grace"to us today, and this song was written by a sea captain named John Newton. His boat carried slaves, and much of his life was spent in conflict. Yet he changed and spent the last years of his life writing hymns we still love over 200 years later. " Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come. Tis grace that brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home." Our faith can calm our waters and bring us home to peace.
