Terry Paul Choyce
February 17, 2008, Brunswick Street United Church
One of my favourite fairy tale characters is Cinderella's fairy godmother. This rather round, sweet faced woman had the power to change rags into a gown, mice into horses, and a pumpkin into a carriage with the twirl of her magic wand and the words "Bibbity, Bobbity, Boo". Unfortunately these were all temporary changes, lasting only until midnight. Then, poof, all was as it was before - except for the glass slippers. Luckily for Cinderella and the prince, these remained enchanted long enough for the loving couple to be reunited.
There have been many times in my life when I wish I had a fairy godmother. But for Christians, we do have powerful forces of good on our side way better than a fairy. We have God, Jesus, and the Holy spirit. Wow!, three divine entities in one. And there have been so many miracles which are well documented and not temporary. God does not need a magic wand to make incredible changes in people's lives.
All of us need to make changes every once in awhile. Sometimes we feel lonely or disillusioned or upset with ourselves. We may try various things to distract us from how we feel, like go to the movies or eat lots of ice cream, but this happiness is temporary. Until the root of the discontent is resolved, the negative feelings will return.
I am taking a fantastic course on leadership at AST right now, from Rev. Jody Clarke. One of the things he recently taught us was the Six Needs System, developed by Heinz Kohut. He said a person needs certain self-concepts and social connection to be happy.
The first thing a person needs is self-respect and a feeling of self-worth. You should be proud of who you are. You should love yourself. So many of us think we are not good enough or flawed in some way. No one is perfect, but we can all confidently strive for perfection and inner peace. Jesus encouraged us to love ourselves. We each must be pretty amazing to be children of God.
Next we all need to feel a sense of community. We want to belong to a family, an organization, a group of friends. Humans are social creatures and without other people we become sick and depressed. We can find this community in many ways, and one of the best is to become involved in a spiritual community - a church, temple, or synagogue. Most spiritual communities offer, at least initially, unconditional acceptance. Everyone is welcome. I think our church is one of the most friendly and nonjudgmental places on Earth. We should be very proud of that accomplishment and attribute.
The third need Kohut calls "twinship" This is the deep desire to find another person who will love and care for us. This is usually viewed as a sexual partnership as well, but it does not need to be. Two great friends can fulfill this need for closeness and understanding with each other. We all just need someone who we can be totally relaxed and open with. A person we completely trust and love. In our society today, this need can be hard to fulfill permanently.
Blending with twinship and community is the need to be touched. A hug, handshake, or pat on the back can be enough for some people. Others need more intimacy and physical connection. As we all know, babies die if they are not touched. In churches, that is one of the reasons so many use the ritual of "passing the peace." For some folks that time of the week is the only time they are really looked at, personally talked to, and receive a handshake or a hug. I think this church excels at this show of respect and affection.
I was surprised at the next need, which is to have the freedom to disagree. If we feel we can be different and still accepted or even loved, then our comfort level is raised. We can be free to express who we are and what we think and how we feel. Few of us feel this freedom in may places in our lives. We are usually trying to fit in, or hiding our true views and feelings. Most of us are afraid of conflict, so we try to follow the rules and be like everyone else. I must admit that generally this is a good thing. But you should feel like you will not be scorned and rejected if you are not just like everyone else.
The last one Kohut calls "efficacy," which is the need to know that you make a difference. We all want to do things which are beneficial to others and to the Earth. We want to live meaningful and fulfilling lives. As Christians, we want to live like Jesus, loving others and helping people.
To be happy people, each of us may have to make some big changes in how we think, what we do, and how we relate to the world. A magic wand won't help us. Analysing what we do and how we can be better, will help. Reaching out to other people will help. Reaching in, to the power of God inside will help. Finding new ways to express ourselves, to be kinder, more generous, more compassionate, and more open will help. If you want long-lasting happiness you need to do the inner work that will make real, vital changes in your life.
And how about changes in this church? We could use a few more people in the seats. What can we do to make Brunswick St. United more appealing to people? How do we let people know about us, and how open and friendly we are. How can we let them know about how the power and magnificence of God is felt here? In the next few months we will be addressing these questions more fully.
At the annual general meeting on March 2 we will be brainstorming some changes we can make. Like the dry bones in our reading from Ezekiel today (37:1-14) we can rise up, and the breath of life can fill us, and we can make a difference to more people who long for community, a purpose, a kind touch, and a profound and magical faith. Bibbity, Bobbity, Boo.
©Terry Paul Choyce. Used with permission from the author.
